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Twice per year I write a letter to our son’s birth parents and this is always a time of contemplation for me. I often think about how lucky we are to have our son, how thankful we are that we have bonded and gelled as a family, but I also reflect on how having a child taken away must have hugely hurt and scarred the birth parents. For our son, as with the majority of kids in the system in the UK, they are up for adoption because birth parents cannot provide the loving safe environment that every kids needs and deserves. Very few kids are actually relinquished by their parents. Most kids in the system are loved and wanted by their birth parents, but for whatever reaons, the birth parents cant keep their kids safe and well. During the adoption process, I made a promise to myself and also my son, that I would write to the birth parents and provide information that provides peace of mind that he is loved, he is happy, he is healthy and he is thriving. Particular details have to be omitted for fear of identifying his location, but I always take time to think carefully about what I want to write and how I will present the information so that it focuses on my son’s development and happiness. When my son is old enough I want him to see that I took time to write letters carefully and caringly to provide some sort of comfort and reassurance to his birth parents and to provide them with an update on how he is. At the same time, I am certain that our son is ours and we are his parents. We love him, care for him, provide for him and ensure that he is safe, healthy and happy. In my eyes, these are the roles of parents. At the point of being introduced to our son, we met with the birth parents, and it was a chance for us to ask them questions about their likes, dislikes, their traditions and values and for them to also ask questions of us. The morning of that meeting I had managed to work myself up into a bit of a state, and I couldnt comprehend how a mother could sit and talk to me knowing I would be taking their child. But that was perspective. The child was up for adoption regardless of me taking it. Meeting them was one of the best things we did as it settled our minds knowing that the birth parents are caring people who want whats best for him. This gave me the confidence that when the time comes, I will be able to openly talk to our son about his birth parents and to answer his questions without having to consider editing information in order to protect him. They love(d) him as much as we do. They just werent in a place to provide the necessary care and affection that every child needs and deserves. As I sit to pen my letter to our son’s birth parents I take time to reflect on the adoption journey, but more importantly, I appreciate the pause to reflect on how complete our son makes our lives and how I could never imagine life without him. If you are considering adoption and have any questions then please do reach out. I am no expert, I only have my own experience. You can read more about my experience using the categories parenting and adoption on this blog. We adopted through Action For Children and had a superbly positive experience with them. I will write more on here soon but for now its time to write this important letter. Have a lovely week whatever you are doing.
